Most Disturbing Results Night Ever

It took me a full 24 hours to recover from Wednesday night’s “Disco Results Show,” and I’m now ready for the recap.

Most disturbing: The 60-year-old plus disco segments. Hands down, most disturbing American Idol appearance of Season 8. What the heck? Chime in here, everyone! Which was the most disturbing? A: Freda Payne not being able to sing on key or even sing along with the music; B: Thelma Houston’s threatening v-neck necklace – ready to pop out some 60-year-old boob, or; C: KC without his Sunshine band, wearing a too-tight red shirt with some singers who were a lame parody to Flo Rida’s group a few weeks ago. Yuck, I feel dirtied.

Now that I have that nightmare out of the way, I can go on to the recap of the results show.

But, it’s not that simple. Paula had to come in and “choreograph” the Group Song. Apparently this took 2 days, and they still had to lip-synch the song. I have to hand it to the kids, though. They took it all in stride, and pretended to have fun. (Adam, I’m so sorry…. You are above this.) And, was anyone else worried that Paula was going to flash everyone with her dress being so short? Ryan Seacrest seemed very concerned a couple times. And, why does Paula get flowers for her “choreography” and not anyone else who’s ever done it? Whatever!

Results: …… Okay, I barely blinked and Ryan said Lil was out. This has to be a record for the shortest results info ever.

Next, we have the 60-year-old Disco Nightmare. (As you read above, this took me a full 24-hour recovery period.) Again, I have to point out that this was very disturbing. Good points: Thelma Houston still can sing, Freda Payne has nicely defined arm muscles, and KC still has SOME hair.

Results: Kris=safe. (Good – he was awesome.) Adam= safe (duh.) Danny = safe (even sporting no glasses.) Anoop = bottom 3. Allison = bottom 3. Matt = safe. (What?) Matt is so incredibly lucky.

Then, David Archuleta sang, “Touch My Hand,” and was cute and incredibly boring. Blah. Whatev. And, was that someone’s mom playing the keyboards? So weird.

Then, Allison is safe (thank God.) Anoop – aka sweat above my lip – Desai – goes home. His recap of his journey reminded us that he really seems to be a nice guy, and we all hope he does well. I send him rainbows and kittens.

And, as for Lil… the sass of her and her mom will take them far. She is a fighter and she is strong. She will do fine. Go Lil!!!!

And, as for my boys Matt, Danny, and Adam…… You go! Allison – you are amazing as well. Kris……. I am pleasantly surprised by you! Now we are down to the hardcore competitors. I can’t wait to hear what they are going to do next!!!! What about you?

Top 7 Perform... Disco?

Starting out tonight’s show we get to relive Matt’s unprecedented save on Idol. Let’s hope he doesn’t fuck it up tonight. Two will have to go home tomorrow leaving only 5 contestants. Are we here already? I never thought we’d make it.

THIS is A MER ican Idol

Apparently there is no guest judge this week. After the non-contributing zero that was Quinten Tarantino, perhaps they chucked the whole idea.

I always have to brace myself for Disco Night, for some reason it just leads to bad things. Even on So You Think You Can Dance. Bottom line: no one shines on Disco Night. Will I be proven wrong? Not by Lil.

Lil Rounds – I’m Every Woman – Chaka Khan
Lil stays on stage as the other Idols file out so we can get a good gander at her amazing jumpsuit. She can definitely pull it off. The back up singers are singing the chorus better than Lil. It’s a bit jittery, and not very strong. Too much jumping around, but she looks slammin in her jumpsuit. I like sexy Lil. Finally she doesn’t look 40. Although the song dates her a bit. The judges eat her alive and then spit out her bling in disgust.

Kris Allen – She Works Hard For the Money – Donna Summer
Kris totally makes the song his own, but loses a little of the oomph in the translation. There’s a street walking tiger in there wanting to burst out, but he seems to hold in the reins a little bit. He’s so cute though. Hey Paula, “classy” is not the first word that pops into my head when I think of Santana. And if you want to call him ballsy for singing a woman’s song, don’t take it to the lingerie department of Bloomingdales. Underwear, what? Ryan wants to rub his nipples.

Danny Gokey– September – Earth, Wind and Fire
Finally he doesn’t sing a song about his dead wife and it sucks. Go Figure. Okay Danny, I will let you sing about her some more if you promise not to suck so bad.. Oh my ears. Lady judges love it, as do the male ones, begrudgingly.

Allison Iraheta – Hot Stuff – Donna Summer
Alison is also rockin a black skintight jumpsuit, but hers is pleather and sparkly… with a skirt. I don’t know this song, so I’m not sure what it’s supposed to sound like, but right now it sounds like blah, blah, blah. Oh, hotstuffbabytonight. Way to change up the song, I guess? Allison has the most texture to her voice, which makes it interesting, but the song arrangement or whatever was totally off. Simon loved it though, because she’s dressed like a black woman.

Adam Lambert – If I can’t have you – Bee Gees
Adam as usual is perfect and brilliant and I think I’m starting to soften for the guy. What has happened to me in my old age? Aren’t we supposed to get more bitter as we age? I don’t know this song, but apparently some people are really attached to the original version, so there might be some minus points there. Oh, once again after a little YouTube search I totally know that song. What is it with me not recognizing these disco tunes? I guess it’s not my genre.

Matt Giraud – Staying Alive – Bee Gees
What’s up Justin Timberlake? It’s awesome. He really took his save seriously and brought his total A game tonight. I’m loving everything about this performance; it may be the only version of this song that doesn’t inspire dogs to start howling. Randy is dead to me. Oh, Kara too. Paula finally speaks up for the sane people (whaaa?) and gives Matt the props he deserves. Simon tells him he’s the worst idol ever and America scoffs in disdain. I hate you, Simon.

Ryan takes a moment to make sure coke gets their 10 million dollars worth

Anoop Desai – Dim the Lights - Handsome
Anoop chooses a slow ballad-like song that could very well be from a movie. Even when the tempo picks up, I still feel like he’s singing at his great aunt’s 90th birthday, but no one minds because she’s so old she doesn’t know the difference. You can pluck the Idol out of MIT, but…. I’m really bored with this guy, he’s good vocally, but he doesn’t really have that star power. Simon totally has my back. I love you, Simon!

Next week only 5 Idols left to perform, whatever shall they do for filler?

Top 3 – Matt, Kris and Adam
Bottom 2 – Lil and Anoop