Top 4 Perform - School of Rock

Idol and I have had somewhat of an on again/off again relationship this year. I’d like for us to spend more time together, but it just doesn’t seem to be working out as planned.

Of the remaining four contestants, it should be pretty obvious that two of them have tonight in the bag before Ryan even does his schtick. I’m a little worried about my boy Kris, and I’m secretly hoping that Danny (or even Allison) blows it big time to keep him in the competition a little longer. Adam is totally safe tonight. With his skills, background and the way he scared the C.R.A.P. out of everyone last Wednesday, I’m pretty sure the votes for him will be pouring in.

After explaining the entire disaster movie plot that took place on the stage earlier in the week, where allegedly several people were killed and others were running around with limbs missing, Ryan informs us that tonight will consist of six duets [ed note: I was totally wrong about this]. I guess rock night was just a little bit too much of an advantage for some contestants one contestant so they decided to level the playing field. Without a “proper” dress rehearsal (see above), this might be the second biggest disaster of the week.

Slash shows up as the Teacher of the Week at the School of Rock. I hope next year they get Buckethead!

Adam Lambert (noted: not a duet) – Whole Lotta Love – Led Zepplin
Adam's breasts make their second appearance on the Idol stage. He sings the song exactly how you think he would sing the song, and somehow it comes off as not being that original. For Adam. He’s definitely the contestant that can pull off Led Zepplin, and he pretty much rocks the house. Randy gives him the thumbs up and Kara is a little embarrassed that they are wearing the same jacket. Paula blathers for a second while my eyes glaze over and Simon gives him props for taking on Led Zepplin and winning the evening already. So are we done then? Nope, it’s time for…

Allison Iraheta – Cry Baby – Janis Joplin
Allison tones down the wacky outfit thing a bit tonight… for Rock Night? Shocking! What is not shocking, however, is the way she sounds exactly like Janis Joplin. The judges want her to sing with a little more melody and not just shout out the power notes. I think she’s going to be the second best of the night, and it’s all downhill from here. I hope they prove me wrong.

I wonder if they drew straws for the duets, because it’s definitely an interesting choice to put the two weakest and the two strongest rock singers together.

Kris Allen & Danny Gokey – Renegade – Stix
It starts out with really weak solos from each guy, but then their harmonies sound really great together. Danny takes the first few verses and though he sings on key, his voice isn’t quite big enough for the song. Kris’ is even thinner. They should have just sung the whole song at the same time, because that part sounds good! Until the end… Ouch! Randy totally agrees with me (Yo Dawg!). Kara repeats Randy. Paula kisses both their butts because the sight of the two of them on stage makes her tongue melt. Simon tells them Danny was better. He kind of was, but not that much better!

Kris Allen – Come Together – Beatles
Kris wants to pee his pants he’s so excited to be playing with Slash. Who wouldn’t?! It’s just too awesome for words. His performance is awesome. I don’t even care what the judges have to say. He rocks it out, doesn’t reach beyond his abilities, has fun playing the guitar and made a good song choice. Bullseye! Randy gives him props for bringing out the rock in him. Kara punches him in the face. Paula blathers so I can’t even hear her anymore. Simon totally does not have my back tonight. You’re of no use to me, Cowell.

Danny Gokey – Dream On – Aerosmith
Based on the rehearsal it looks like Danny is seriously going to choke tonight. Also, I’m not sure if dressing like a banker is the best way to embody the genre of rock ‘n’ roll. He looks totally awkward and out of place on the stage and within the song itself. It’s like the whole time he’s thinking ahead to the big high notes at the end and forgetting where he is in the performance. The end comes crashing down all around him like the giant metal American Idol column. Good Lord that was awful. I think I spied a headless Teamster running off to the med tent. The judges sugarcoat their negative critics like he can’t handle the truth. Simon calls it out for what it was and redeems himself (in my eyes) once again. He sure has an interesting way of doing that.

Allison Iraheta & Adam Lambert – Slow Ride – Foghat
Strum, Strum, Strum… Slow ride… Strum, Strum, Strum… Take it easy…
Warning! Slow Ride will never sound the same after learning how to play Guitar Hero to that song. Strum, Strum, Strum. This is the weirdest duet I have ever seen. They each just stand there and do nothing while waiting for their turn. They are not singing together at all, and their harmonies can’t even touch Danny and Kris. (Did I really just type that? Hard to believe, eh?) It’s more competition than working together to make the song greater than the sum of its parts. Randy used to play in Foghat or something because he loves it. Kara and Paula love it as well. Simon? Don’t leave me hanging… Oh, (insert sound of something falling). All four judges leave me to reevaluate my very existence. At least as it relates to recapping this show.

What did you think?

Bottom Three: Allison, Danny & Kris
Top Three: Adam, Allison & Kris
(see what I did there?)