Top 10 Perform!

Just When I thought the season wasn't going to be that great, the Idol contestants (mostly) step it up a notch!


We even got a peek at the backstage area with Simon saying that they (the judges) were making out, and I'm sure viewers everywhere thought he was so incredibly witty and funny. Ugh. Here we go!


Usher was the mentor tonight - love his music, and he is incredibly cute. But, can someone please tell me why he wears his sunglasses all the time? Does he have very sensitive eyes to go with his sensitive personality?


First up was Siobhan. A little off key at times and altogether not great. The judges spent a long time talking with her afterwards, which I can only think that they were surprised about her semi-sucky performance. Her dress was wierd - and her boots were wierder. However, the judges all liked the boots, but not her performance. She gets a "C." She's still a good singer.


Next was Casey James. He still makes Ryan look really small. Casey showed some awesome guitar playing, a lot of confidence, and some pretty good singing. Cute and hot. Plays the guitar and sings. Not the best of them, but really good. He gets a "B."


Big Mike was next. The Ladies' Man sang, "Ready for Love." I really liked the song and the arrangement, and we were spared his wide-stance dancing and finger pointing because he was sitting and playing the guitar. I felt this really worked for him. We even got to see the sway-bots in the audience swaying to his song. Really good. "A-"


Next was Didi Benami. She looked beautiful in her sparkly dress, and her arms looked really good. I wonder if she works out? She was a little pitchy, dawg, and overall, not really good. Ryan did his best after the song to make her cry about why she can identify to the song, "What becomes of the broken-hearted." She did not give in to Ryan - held her ground hard. Go, Didi! The judges didn't like it. She gets a "C-."


Next was smiley Tim Urban, or "Teflon Tim," according to some people. He sang, Sweet Love, wearing a jacket and tie, and looking "adorable," as Ellen calls him. My mind wandered a lot during this song, which usually means that it wasn't that great. The judges didn't like it. Ellen summed it up with two words..... "but, why?" Classic. Kara said he took the soul out the song, and I agree. Sorry. "D-"


Andrew Garcia actually was amazing, singing "Forever." He sat, played his guitar, and was amazing. He had a string bass and drum on the stage with him ..... nice vibe. He made the other string players sit down in the pit with the sway-bots, though. His back-up singers sounded great, and so did he. I actually got chills. Okay guys, I get why you like him now. He was fabulous. Randy said, "Andrew is back!" And, how cute was Andrew regarding his mom? "Be nice, Mama." He loves his mama in the zebra vest.


Katie Stevens was next. Something about her next is a little strange to me. Maybe thicker than you would think for her body? What the hell was she wearing? A grey satin shorts jumpsuit with mom shorts and shiny pleather tights underneath? Katie! She was okay. Her voice was actually really good. The judges didn't love her - they want her to sound younger and they don't agree about which style she should pursue. That must be a little wierd for her. She gets a "B."


Next was Lee - who knocked it out of the park. He ruled, sounded awesome, looked great playing his guitar and singing, and made it look effortless. He has such a husky, full, soul-filled voice. Beautiful. The judges loved him, and so did I. "A."


Crystal was next. She played piano and wore high heels. Her song arrangement was beautiful, gave me tears. Awesome. Amazing! She didn't look super comfortable in her dress, and maybe concentrating on playing the piano held her vocals back at the beginning. She pulled the rest of the song off.... it was amazing. She is incredible. She has such a great voice and wonderful style. I will be getting this one off iTunes for sure. "A."


Aaron Kelly was last. He really has a great voice. I was waiting for a big moment, but it didn't happen. Like Kara said, "I liked it, but I wasn't in love with it." I also thought it was funny that he kinda ignored Usher's advice about the "I know, I know, I know" line. Weak. But, he has a great voice and can go far with it. He's only 16 after all! "B."

So, what did you think? Remember to get your picks in!!!



I

Top 10 revealed!

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have our top 10!
I think America got it right last night, based on the performances from Tuesday. Paige leaves the group, and we are left with only four girls and all six guys.

Some highlights (or lowlights) from last night's show:

The horrific Group Song. They all looked super awkward, and the zoomed-in shot of Michael's hand with his finger pointing up to the sky was so wierd, and became even more surreal when he brought it down into a "jazz hand." Most of the kids successfully butchered the "jazz basic step," and looked pretty uncomfortable. All in all, the awkwardness was quite awesome. Let's have more of this.

Next we were treated to the Ford Vommercial (commercial + vommit.) The best think about this was when they showed the contestants after showing the commercial all of them were smiling and clapping - except Lee. He was probably thinking, "I refuse to clap and giggle for whoring ourselves out to Ford by making such a ridiculous video involving McDonald's playstructure balls meant for toddlers and putting them in a fountain and acting like the whole thing is so effing hilarious. No, I just can't crack a smile here, folks."

We also got to see Miley Cyrus looking abolutely beautiful singing and playing the piano. I was secretly hoping that the judges could say to her, "It was all a bit nasaly, and I just don't get the way you scrunch up your face when you sing,"..... or something like that. Awesome dress and hair extensions, though!

Then, before we could find out who went home, one of the Jonas brothers sang with another "hot young star," and I really didn't pay enough attention to that to even comment. I must have been really bored.

A couple other highlights:

Ryan....... when Michael watches his own kid it's not called "babysitting." He's the father. Get it?

Siobhan..... your boss and friends are a little odd. I'm worried about how big Brooks' beard might get. And, the Siobhan-bies are not the usual fans. I like that, but the fake blood is just a bit odd. But, I kinda like the potential for future shows...... to see what they might be wearing.

Katie - I'm sorry your dad can't sit through an hour show and has to go drink. You can write a book about it later.

I think the right girl left tonight. Paige seems to have a great attitude and I'm sure she'll do well in whatever she chooses to do.

Comments? What do you guys think? Which songs do you think people should pick for next week - R & B night? I'm looking forward to it!

Top 11 Perform "Bill-bored" top 100

The Giant Ryan Head starting out last night's show should have been an omen to all of us that the show was going to be very odd. Really, with 52 years of top 100 songs to choose from, did we HAVE to hear so many songs that have been performed on Idol already? And, to top it off, the mentor for the night was that resource of wisdom and experience that can only come from age and experience, Miss Miley Cyrus herself. Lord, help us. Don't get me wrong, I love "Party in the U.S.A." just as much as almost anyone, but usually when it comes to the idea of "mentor," I usually expect someone older than 17. But, This Is American Idol!

Here's a quick re-crap of last night's performances:

Lee Dewyze - great smokey voice, but a little boring. I kept drifting off in my mind. Yes, a little of that is due to ADD, but it wasn't that exciting. Am I right? I liked the brass band, the back-up singers, and the black outfit, but it wasn't that exciting. Good. I give him a "B."

Paige Miles - WTF? "Pitchy" is an understatement. She gets an "F," even with those five-inch high heels.

Tim Urban - owes an apology to Freddy Mercury. Tim is cute, and was good at sliding across the stage (did you see that?) But, it was just okay, and as a huge Queen fan, it did nothing for me. I think he gets a "D+."

Aaron Kelly - Had larangitus AND tonsellitus. (What? I need a medical briefing here about just what he has.) Seriously, I have heard this song on American Idol several times before - most recently from Alison Ireheta. This was okay. He'll stick around. Not awesome, but not too bad. He gets a "B."

Crystal Bowersox - ruled. Nice job channeling Janis Joplin and sounding awesome. Not boring. Crystal made all the judges happy and not embarrased that they are part of this show. She even had a magic carpet that she brought in special. I'm loving this girl, and can't wait to see what she does next. Not in the Adam Lambert way, where I wonder what awesome over-the-top thing she is going to do, but I just love hearing her sing. She's really good. "A."

Michel Lynche - lifted Miley up off her feet. This guy is likable in the older brother let's hang out way. His voice was solid, except sometimes I feel he doesn't enunciate very well. He sang a sexy song in a sexy way, "hoping to speak to the lovers out there." Excuse we while we all go get our Corvosier and listen to the Ladies' Man. He was okay to good. C+.

Andrew Garcia - missed his guitar and tried to make up for it in awkward dancing. I arrived late to watching this season, and I know a lot of you really like Andrew. I'm going to have to go back through my recorded episodes and find some love for him, because I think he's just alright. He seems sweet and his voice is okay, but I don't feel any huge love for him yet. D+

Katie Stevens - I loved the Fergie song. This girl seemed comfortable and I thought she did a great job. Yes, she had some pitch issues, but okay overall. C.

Casey James - oozes cuteness. I loved how he told Miley, "I'm a big fan..... of your dad's." Awesome. What the heck was up with his song choice, though? Huey Lewis? Brought me back to the Paso Robles Mid-State fair in 1986 or so. The song was a little boring, but I really like his voice, his sexiness, his smile, and his guitar playing. I predict he is safe. B.

Didi Benami - came out with one sleeve missing on her bedazzled dress. I thought she was okay, and I really like her voice. The judges kinda ripped her a new one - saying she was pitchy, not the right song, very dramatic, etc. I don't think she was that bad. B-.

Siobhan Magnus - this girl is awesome. She's super tall, can look like a geek and then a beautiful rock star. She likes to channel Adam Lambert at times with her rock star screaming (but of course no one is as good at that as Adam.) She wears the wierdest things (doilie under a black vesty thing with a lady's face peeking out.) She sang Stevie Wonder's song, Superstition, which reminded me of Elliot Yamin. She is amazing, fearless, and will be around for awhile. It wasn't her best, but she was pretty darn great. B+.

What did you think? Bottom three - probably Paige, Andrew, and Tim. But Tim might have lots of girls voting for him...... so maybe Paige, Andrew, and Katie. What do you guys think?

American Idol Season Nine!!!!

There were many great moments last night, the least of which was not all the great shots of Crystal's awesome dad with the chin strap hat. I hope she stays around for awhile, and after her great performance she probably will.

Other highlights: Big Mike's dancing with a wide-leg stance, cutie Casey, awesome Lee, and Siobhan kicking butt.

So many other great moments....... I promise to post more in the future!

But, the big message for the day: get your picks in and sign up before 5:00 Pacific time today!

American Idol – Final Two Perform

We start with a montage extravaganza from auditions to the finals stage.
THIS is aMERican Idol!
Ryan struts awkwardly down the stage to welcome us to the Final Showdown. Acoustic Rocker vs. the Glam Rocker. The Guy Next Door vs. the Guyliner. (groan!) Randy is mixing plaid with polkadots. Kara looks relatively normal. Paula is visible in bright green. Simon is actually wearing a jacket. Adam and Kris are presented to lots of cheers and what the heck does Adam have around his neck? Metal fringe on this v-neck t-shirt. We will see three songs tonight: their own favorite performance from the season, a song chosen by the secret Simon (Fuller) and the winner’s single, co-written by Kara.

Adam Lambert – Mad World – Gary Jules
Apparently Adam has always been a screamer, much to the chagrin of his parents. Adam actually chooses my favorite song of his from the year he was born. I totally forgot about this song, but now I’m reminded it was one of my favorites. Franny (who is sitting next to me) thinks we’re actually watching some alternate reality version of Phantom of the Opera. She’s not too far off. The performance is perfect and moving, but doesn’t really pack a punch. Randy gives him an A+. Kara tells him he set the bar back then with the song and did it again tonight. Paula’s brain got baked in the tanning booth. Simon doesn’t like Phantom of the Opera apparently, he must share a brain with Franny.

Kris Allen – Ain’t No Sunshine – Bill Withers
His parents are maybe even cuter than he is, and obviously love him very much. So he’s got that going for him. Pretty soon into the song he kicks it up that notch which Adam was lacking. He’s beautiful and perfect and I wish he would come to my house with those coupons and sing for me. Simon’s golf clap is not entirely encouraging though. Randy thinks it was one of his best performances ever on the stage. Kara loves his intimate bond. Paula tries to communicate with some spirits. Simon gets dollar signs in his eyes for Kris for the first time. Welcome to the party, Simon!

Ryan brings us back by saying tonight is too close to call, even though Simon just called the first round for Kris. Way to pay attention, Ryan.

Adam Lambert – Change is Gonna Come – Sam Cooke
Adam is dressed like a hipster at a tradeshow. Or something like that. After 9 weeks of Adam outfits I’ve kind of run out of words. He looks like he’s about to cry during the entire performance, which may in fact be true. And if it were would be rather sweet. He makes the song his own, with out going overboard on the screeching, so that’s encouraging. Like I said last week, there’s not much you can fault Adam for anymore. Randy tells him he can sing his face off (but maybe not through the make-up). Kara thinks it was his best performance and interpretation. Paula is about to lasso up her little cash pony. Simon welcomes him back to the competition.

Kris Allen – What’s Going On – Marvin Gaye
Kris is sitting with his guitar serenading us all with his velvet voice and nimble fingers. Can I just take this moment to say that Simon Fuller should pick all the songs all the time, because he is really good at it! However, it maybe wasn’t as pumped up a performance as it should be. This is the big dance, Kris. I hope you kill the cheesy number at the end! Randy calls it light. Kara inspires Kris to become a hippie political singer. He could be like the FreeCreditReport.com guy, but for world peace! Paula got fast forwarded. Simon was having flashbacks to his misspent youth. Not as strong a performance as it should have been.

Adam Lambert – No Boundries – Co-Written by Kara DioGuardi, Kathy Dennis & Mitch Allen
My goodness it’s hard to critique a song you’ve never heard before. Especially one for which you are already putting on your cynical face before it even starts. This is where the competition totally loses me, because who on earth that likes Adam wants to listen to him sing this trite, cloying, clichéd crap? If he loses the competition because of his performance of this song, I think he will actually have won. In life. Randy says ‘Yo’, and some other stuff. Kara thanks him for singing a song she co-wrote. Paula …? Simon refuses to judge the song and basically calls it crap while Kara says ‘I know, I know’. If you’re going to write that shit Kara, you have to own it. Simon instead judges Adam on being the best idol competitor ever in the history of the show. So there you go.

Kris Allen – No Boundries – Co-Written by Kara DioGuardi, Kathy Dennis & Mitch Allen
Kris forgoes the piano and guitar to sing it straight into the mic. And he pulled out his Members Only jacket for the special occasion. Kris’ singing style is much better suited for this song, but I think he just forgot the lyrics! Ooops! He seems to be struggling with the high notes. This isn’t looking like a great song choice for either contestant. I think also maybe he’s singing the entire thing off key. Maybe he’s doing it on purpose so he doesn’t have to include the song on his first album, because you know there is going to be one. Either way, good strategy on both his and Adam’s parts. Randy thought the song fit Kris better. Kara hopes people vote for him based on the entire season, which, if we’re going to do that, would make Adam the winner by a mile. Kris is the comeback kid, but he didn’t quite sink his last shot. Paula wishes him luck. Simon congratulates him on deserving to be there and actually means it in one of those rare, heartfelt Simon moments.

Ryan wraps up the show without any more boxing metaphors. Good job, Ryan, that was so last season!

Thanks for reading and see you next year!

Top 3 Elimination night

Shocker!!!!


Kris is in and Danny is out!
No one looked more shocked than Kris himself!

What do you guys think?

Although I am sad for my PopPool picks, I am personally happy that Krist gets to be in the Finale. His masterful song aranging and ability to play multiple musical instruments, along with his cute baby face and underdog appeal pushed him passed Danny and into the finals.

Thank goodness Adam is still in there. Did anyone notice how beautiful he sang that little bit of the national athem? Awesome. He is an amazing singer.

So, who is going to win? Will America be able to look past Kris's sideways mouth-singing and funny faces? Will America be able to put up with Adam's white tongue sticking out and smarmy looks at the camera? Will this be about who America loves most or who is the best singer or both? Or, will it be about who doesn't bug us the most?

Let's face it, both these guys seem like nice guys. Either way they win.

The Top 3 Perform – Goodbye, Kris!

It’s the 300th episode of American Idol! Have I really spent 300 or more hours with Ryan Seacrest? Awesome. He introduces the “Three Amigos” (lame!) and the judges. Randy is the same as always. Kara had some kind of blowout. Paula is hiding behind her chair. Simon is feeling feisty tonight! I have a way of knowing these things.

Adam, Kris & Danny have reached the hometown heroes stage of the competition; keys to the cities, blah blah blah, bumrushing. What?

Tonight they will each be singing two songs; one judge's choice and one their own.

Danny Gokey (Paula’s choice) – Dance Little Sister – Terence Trent D’Arby
I don’t know this song really, so it’s hard to tell if it’s an imitation and if the judges will think it’s original or if Paula will back him up simply because it’s her choice. It sounds super cheesy to me with a popcorn chorus. And scatting vs. saxaphone? What is that? Definitely not a highlight of this show, which is what it needs to be at this point. Randy thinks it was a good start with lots of energy. Though Kara thinks his tone is good, she knocks his dorky dancing. Paula gives him props for his choreography so we know she’s high. Simon complements his vocals but thinks the sax thing was lame and that he could have sung a better TTD song.

During Danny’s numbers Simon tries to drug Paula with some chloroform and drag her off the stage. It’s so cute how OCD poster boy, Ryan, gets so uncomfortable when things get a little out of hand on his show.

Kris Allen (Randy & Kara) – Apologize – One Republic
The mayor hands Kris a GIANT box with a tiny little phone in it to find out his judge’s pick. Kris is at the piano which is an interesting choice for this song. I love this song, and I love Kris, but maybe not the two together. It seems like he’s trying a bit to hard. It’s a weird mix between trying to make the song his own and performing an imitation. He seems a bit reprimanded already as he gets up from the piano. Randy backs up his own song choice. Kara tells him it was a nice performance, but wishes he had hit it out of the park. Paula stumbles over some nonsense and mentions one bad note. Simon, still kind of miffed that Paula got away during the commercial break, knocks Kara’s critique. He’s really on fire tonight. I LOVE it. I completely forgot what he said about Kris, though.

Ryan tries to step in to break up the... oh wait, now Kara is strangling Simon! What is going on here?!?!

Adam (Simon’s choice) – One – U2
Is Adam wearing silver make up like a pretend robot street performer? Does Adam ever cease to amaze me? The answer to both questions is NO! This is probably Adam’s straightest performance on the show to date, and it’s absolutely beautiful. When he gets to the big section it kind of goes all screechy and crazy Adam-like. Not sure I love it, but what will the judges think? Look, at this point (and pretty much from the get go) it’s impossible to criticize Adam’s singing because it’s pretty much perfect. So it all comes down to a matter of taste and I think he has proven himself to be the lone Krispy Kreme doughnut in the middle of a Weight Watchers meeting. Randy is the only one with me (insert weight joke here). Kara is starry eyed. Paula is speechless. Simon is gloating.

Danny Gokey – You are so beautiful – Joe Cocker
Booooring. Danny pulls out all the stops in one more chance to pay tribute to his dead wife. It’s overwrought, overemotional, and I’m totally over it. Sorry Danny. I know I will probably be looking at you up on that stage next week, but I’m not going to like it. Not even for a minute. Randy tells him he can really, really, really sing. Kara calls him stunning and nothing else. Paula lost her breath and her brain. Simon calls it a vocal master class. Oy vey.

Kris Allen – Heartless – Kanye West
So far I like Kris’ song choices the best. But as of right now I haven’t heard him sing. So well see how this goes. I will admit I am totally biased towards the popular songs as opposed to the classics. I can see why people might pick Danny over this, but I think it’s pretty amazing. Randy likes this version better than all the other versions produced of this song. Sweet. Kara calls him bold, brave and fearless. Paula rambles on while Simon rolls his eyes at her. When it’s finally Simo's turn he beats around the bush quite a bit before telling him he’s back in the competition.

Adam Lambert – Cryin' – Aerosmith
I’m so glad they saved this song for last because I can tell from the first note that it’s going to be so totally awesome that the audience is going to completely lose their shit harder than they have all season. I bet if they showed the judges table they would all be making out with each other while patting themselves on their backs. If that’s possible. Randy tells him he should be a rock star (um, isn’t he already?). Kara says see you at the final, but not with a lot of confidence. Paula’s talking about flying around. Simon refuses to suck up, because he doesn’t want the voters to forget to vote for Adam, because he’s so inherently awesome that they would just assume he’d be there.

See you in the finals, Adam!

[ed note: I wasn’t really blown away by any of the performances tonight. I remember being pretty blown away last season during the Top 3, so here’s to hoping the Final Two don’t disappoint!]

Top 4 Results Night!

Goodbye to Allison – and hello to more performances venues than your local La Curacao Market!

Last night’s show opened with some dramatic clips from last night’s show, and Ryan, once again, walking without falling down the Adam Lambert Memorial staircase. (Again, can he at least trip once?)

Idol wastes no time in getting to the Vommercial – featuring all the contestants as “Flat Stanleys.”

Next we get to hear Slash or “\” playing guitar with the kids to “School’s Out for Summer,” and conveniently Slash has an album coming out soon that Ryan promptly spoke of. Hollywood and shameless promos. Ewe.

Next, we think we are going to get some RESULTS. But, no such luck. Instead, we get to watch Paula dance and lip synch. And, I was impressed. She must be around fifty years old, and she looked great and still can dance. Nice. But, I kinda thought it was presumptuous and tacky that her lyrics said, “I really didn’t mean to turn you on.” Yuck – cooties!

Next, we get to see Gwen Stefani and No Doubt perform “I’m Just a Girl.” Gwen ware a white tank with a lime green bra underneath, black pants, and a sparkly handkerchief hanging from the back of her pants. She is really beautiful, so it doesn’t really matter what she wears, but I was just wondering, “Why?” I guess this is her workout outfit, because she got a set of push-ups in on stage. I was a little confused by her statement, “I had all the babies, and I didn’t want to be at home anymore,” statement. Awe, heck, they’re probably 6 and under and can fend for themselves now, I guess. Or, they can live on a tour bus. All her kids’ friends are going to be jealous if that’s true.

Anyways…. More RESULTS! Kris is safe! (Oh man! Now my PopPool game is really going to suffer.)

Next, we hear Daughtry. I enjoyed this, but was preoccupied with how much higher he was singing than I remembered, and I was extremely preoccupied with his “chin-jaw line-goatee-beard.” I even drew a little sketch of it.

RESULTS: Adam, safe. Danny, safe! No!!!!! Allison is going home. Well – she is going to be fine. She is so young, and has so much singing to do! Go Allison!

Did you get your picks right? I got knocked down from 3rd to 4th in one pool – dang! Darn you, Brad!

Top 4 Perform - School of Rock

Idol and I have had somewhat of an on again/off again relationship this year. I’d like for us to spend more time together, but it just doesn’t seem to be working out as planned.

Of the remaining four contestants, it should be pretty obvious that two of them have tonight in the bag before Ryan even does his schtick. I’m a little worried about my boy Kris, and I’m secretly hoping that Danny (or even Allison) blows it big time to keep him in the competition a little longer. Adam is totally safe tonight. With his skills, background and the way he scared the C.R.A.P. out of everyone last Wednesday, I’m pretty sure the votes for him will be pouring in.

After explaining the entire disaster movie plot that took place on the stage earlier in the week, where allegedly several people were killed and others were running around with limbs missing, Ryan informs us that tonight will consist of six duets [ed note: I was totally wrong about this]. I guess rock night was just a little bit too much of an advantage for some contestants one contestant so they decided to level the playing field. Without a “proper” dress rehearsal (see above), this might be the second biggest disaster of the week.

Slash shows up as the Teacher of the Week at the School of Rock. I hope next year they get Buckethead!

Adam Lambert (noted: not a duet) – Whole Lotta Love – Led Zepplin
Adam's breasts make their second appearance on the Idol stage. He sings the song exactly how you think he would sing the song, and somehow it comes off as not being that original. For Adam. He’s definitely the contestant that can pull off Led Zepplin, and he pretty much rocks the house. Randy gives him the thumbs up and Kara is a little embarrassed that they are wearing the same jacket. Paula blathers for a second while my eyes glaze over and Simon gives him props for taking on Led Zepplin and winning the evening already. So are we done then? Nope, it’s time for…

Allison Iraheta – Cry Baby – Janis Joplin
Allison tones down the wacky outfit thing a bit tonight… for Rock Night? Shocking! What is not shocking, however, is the way she sounds exactly like Janis Joplin. The judges want her to sing with a little more melody and not just shout out the power notes. I think she’s going to be the second best of the night, and it’s all downhill from here. I hope they prove me wrong.

I wonder if they drew straws for the duets, because it’s definitely an interesting choice to put the two weakest and the two strongest rock singers together.

Kris Allen & Danny Gokey – Renegade – Stix
It starts out with really weak solos from each guy, but then their harmonies sound really great together. Danny takes the first few verses and though he sings on key, his voice isn’t quite big enough for the song. Kris’ is even thinner. They should have just sung the whole song at the same time, because that part sounds good! Until the end… Ouch! Randy totally agrees with me (Yo Dawg!). Kara repeats Randy. Paula kisses both their butts because the sight of the two of them on stage makes her tongue melt. Simon tells them Danny was better. He kind of was, but not that much better!

Kris Allen – Come Together – Beatles
Kris wants to pee his pants he’s so excited to be playing with Slash. Who wouldn’t?! It’s just too awesome for words. His performance is awesome. I don’t even care what the judges have to say. He rocks it out, doesn’t reach beyond his abilities, has fun playing the guitar and made a good song choice. Bullseye! Randy gives him props for bringing out the rock in him. Kara punches him in the face. Paula blathers so I can’t even hear her anymore. Simon totally does not have my back tonight. You’re of no use to me, Cowell.

Danny Gokey – Dream On – Aerosmith
Based on the rehearsal it looks like Danny is seriously going to choke tonight. Also, I’m not sure if dressing like a banker is the best way to embody the genre of rock ‘n’ roll. He looks totally awkward and out of place on the stage and within the song itself. It’s like the whole time he’s thinking ahead to the big high notes at the end and forgetting where he is in the performance. The end comes crashing down all around him like the giant metal American Idol column. Good Lord that was awful. I think I spied a headless Teamster running off to the med tent. The judges sugarcoat their negative critics like he can’t handle the truth. Simon calls it out for what it was and redeems himself (in my eyes) once again. He sure has an interesting way of doing that.

Allison Iraheta & Adam Lambert – Slow Ride – Foghat
Strum, Strum, Strum… Slow ride… Strum, Strum, Strum… Take it easy…
Warning! Slow Ride will never sound the same after learning how to play Guitar Hero to that song. Strum, Strum, Strum. This is the weirdest duet I have ever seen. They each just stand there and do nothing while waiting for their turn. They are not singing together at all, and their harmonies can’t even touch Danny and Kris. (Did I really just type that? Hard to believe, eh?) It’s more competition than working together to make the song greater than the sum of its parts. Randy used to play in Foghat or something because he loves it. Kara and Paula love it as well. Simon? Don’t leave me hanging… Oh, (insert sound of something falling). All four judges leave me to reevaluate my very existence. At least as it relates to recapping this show.

What did you think?

Bottom Three: Allison, Danny & Kris
Top Three: Adam, Allison & Kris
(see what I did there?)

Top Five Results Night

Top 5 results night: The shocking and not so shocking.

The NOT shocking:

1. Ryan NOT tripping (again, darn it) on the downward stairs walk.
2. Randy booing like a high-schooler when Simon was announced
3. Danny being safe.
4. Matt being in the bottom 2.

The shocking:

1. Adam being in the bottom 2.

Let’s get to the details! Simon admitted that when he reviewed the show, all five contestants were really good. I have to agree.

AI wasted no time getting to the Ford Vommercial, which insinuated that driving a fusion through the desert brings grass and flowers. Really?

Then we get a really uncomfortable few minutes: the staged American Idol food fight in the Idol house. This was really awkward and I even felt uncomfortable. Are you really going to make a big old mess in a mansion that you know you don’t even have to clean up because they can afford to hire people to do that? In this economy? And then Ryan hands a real or fake bill to Danny and I think I felt a little cockiness from him when he commented that Idol makes enough money to get someone else to clean it. Hmmm. Me no likey that part.

RESULTS: The kids are grouped in 2 groups: Matt and Kris vs. Allison and Danny. Then Ryan asks Adam which group is safe. Adam handled this really really well. He showed that he didn’t like it, but he didn’t chicken out either. He said, “Based on last night – this group (Allison and Danny.)” Nice. This would have worked perfectly for Adam, except Ryan grabs his shoulder and steers him over to suddenly, for the first time, to be in the bottom 3 with Matt and Kris.

Then, another lame uncomfortable moment with Junior High School student Randy involving Kara and jaw dropping and “that’s what happens with Adam.” I think Ryan was involved in that innuendo, too, but mostly Randy. Boys.

Next we got to hear Natalie Cole. She was super classy, with a full brass jazz band to back her up. She looked beautiful, and wrote “her legs look really skinny,” and “she’s tall!” She wore a gold satin pillow case tied at her waist. (I later read she’s awaiting a kidney transplant! Wow.)

Then we got to hear Taylor Hicks. He looks good and nicely groomed. And, I had to remember his best feature: his great smile! And, everyone playing with him (band, back-up singers, everyone) looked like they were having a great time. That’s good because I thought the song was kind of boring and I would NOT buy that for a dollar.

RESULTS: One person is safe – Kris!!! This was a serious shocker, as I was almost sure it was going to be Adam.

Then, we got to sort-of hear Jamie Fox sing “Blame it.” I did not get this. I kept waiting for his voice to become a real voice instead of a robot voice. The song had lots of potential…. But anyone could be singing it…. Heck, a computer could be “singing it.” The whole time his back-up singer kept yelling behind him. I seriously can’t believe this is the number one song in the nation.

RESULTS: Adam is safe. Matt is out. Whew. I feel better now. I am still proud to be a “Glambert” and the Giraud Squad’s votes will have to go elsewhere now. But, what does this mean? Maybe Adam won’t win the whole thing? (Even though he is the best SINGER, and ARTIST in my opinion.) Will Danny and all his Sophia’s Heart supporters vote him into the win? Danny is the only contestant now to never see the bottom 3. What do you guys think?

Most Disturbing Results Night Ever

It took me a full 24 hours to recover from Wednesday night’s “Disco Results Show,” and I’m now ready for the recap.

Most disturbing: The 60-year-old plus disco segments. Hands down, most disturbing American Idol appearance of Season 8. What the heck? Chime in here, everyone! Which was the most disturbing? A: Freda Payne not being able to sing on key or even sing along with the music; B: Thelma Houston’s threatening v-neck necklace – ready to pop out some 60-year-old boob, or; C: KC without his Sunshine band, wearing a too-tight red shirt with some singers who were a lame parody to Flo Rida’s group a few weeks ago. Yuck, I feel dirtied.

Now that I have that nightmare out of the way, I can go on to the recap of the results show.

But, it’s not that simple. Paula had to come in and “choreograph” the Group Song. Apparently this took 2 days, and they still had to lip-synch the song. I have to hand it to the kids, though. They took it all in stride, and pretended to have fun. (Adam, I’m so sorry…. You are above this.) And, was anyone else worried that Paula was going to flash everyone with her dress being so short? Ryan Seacrest seemed very concerned a couple times. And, why does Paula get flowers for her “choreography” and not anyone else who’s ever done it? Whatever!

Results: …… Okay, I barely blinked and Ryan said Lil was out. This has to be a record for the shortest results info ever.

Next, we have the 60-year-old Disco Nightmare. (As you read above, this took me a full 24-hour recovery period.) Again, I have to point out that this was very disturbing. Good points: Thelma Houston still can sing, Freda Payne has nicely defined arm muscles, and KC still has SOME hair.

Results: Kris=safe. (Good – he was awesome.) Adam= safe (duh.) Danny = safe (even sporting no glasses.) Anoop = bottom 3. Allison = bottom 3. Matt = safe. (What?) Matt is so incredibly lucky.

Then, David Archuleta sang, “Touch My Hand,” and was cute and incredibly boring. Blah. Whatev. And, was that someone’s mom playing the keyboards? So weird.

Then, Allison is safe (thank God.) Anoop – aka sweat above my lip – Desai – goes home. His recap of his journey reminded us that he really seems to be a nice guy, and we all hope he does well. I send him rainbows and kittens.

And, as for Lil… the sass of her and her mom will take them far. She is a fighter and she is strong. She will do fine. Go Lil!!!!

And, as for my boys Matt, Danny, and Adam…… You go! Allison – you are amazing as well. Kris……. I am pleasantly surprised by you! Now we are down to the hardcore competitors. I can’t wait to hear what they are going to do next!!!! What about you?

Top 7 Perform... Disco?

Starting out tonight’s show we get to relive Matt’s unprecedented save on Idol. Let’s hope he doesn’t fuck it up tonight. Two will have to go home tomorrow leaving only 5 contestants. Are we here already? I never thought we’d make it.

THIS is A MER ican Idol

Apparently there is no guest judge this week. After the non-contributing zero that was Quinten Tarantino, perhaps they chucked the whole idea.

I always have to brace myself for Disco Night, for some reason it just leads to bad things. Even on So You Think You Can Dance. Bottom line: no one shines on Disco Night. Will I be proven wrong? Not by Lil.

Lil Rounds – I’m Every Woman – Chaka Khan
Lil stays on stage as the other Idols file out so we can get a good gander at her amazing jumpsuit. She can definitely pull it off. The back up singers are singing the chorus better than Lil. It’s a bit jittery, and not very strong. Too much jumping around, but she looks slammin in her jumpsuit. I like sexy Lil. Finally she doesn’t look 40. Although the song dates her a bit. The judges eat her alive and then spit out her bling in disgust.

Kris Allen – She Works Hard For the Money – Donna Summer
Kris totally makes the song his own, but loses a little of the oomph in the translation. There’s a street walking tiger in there wanting to burst out, but he seems to hold in the reins a little bit. He’s so cute though. Hey Paula, “classy” is not the first word that pops into my head when I think of Santana. And if you want to call him ballsy for singing a woman’s song, don’t take it to the lingerie department of Bloomingdales. Underwear, what? Ryan wants to rub his nipples.

Danny Gokey– September – Earth, Wind and Fire
Finally he doesn’t sing a song about his dead wife and it sucks. Go Figure. Okay Danny, I will let you sing about her some more if you promise not to suck so bad.. Oh my ears. Lady judges love it, as do the male ones, begrudgingly.

Allison Iraheta – Hot Stuff – Donna Summer
Alison is also rockin a black skintight jumpsuit, but hers is pleather and sparkly… with a skirt. I don’t know this song, so I’m not sure what it’s supposed to sound like, but right now it sounds like blah, blah, blah. Oh, hotstuffbabytonight. Way to change up the song, I guess? Allison has the most texture to her voice, which makes it interesting, but the song arrangement or whatever was totally off. Simon loved it though, because she’s dressed like a black woman.

Adam Lambert – If I can’t have you – Bee Gees
Adam as usual is perfect and brilliant and I think I’m starting to soften for the guy. What has happened to me in my old age? Aren’t we supposed to get more bitter as we age? I don’t know this song, but apparently some people are really attached to the original version, so there might be some minus points there. Oh, once again after a little YouTube search I totally know that song. What is it with me not recognizing these disco tunes? I guess it’s not my genre.

Matt Giraud – Staying Alive – Bee Gees
What’s up Justin Timberlake? It’s awesome. He really took his save seriously and brought his total A game tonight. I’m loving everything about this performance; it may be the only version of this song that doesn’t inspire dogs to start howling. Randy is dead to me. Oh, Kara too. Paula finally speaks up for the sane people (whaaa?) and gives Matt the props he deserves. Simon tells him he’s the worst idol ever and America scoffs in disdain. I hate you, Simon.

Ryan takes a moment to make sure coke gets their 10 million dollars worth

Anoop Desai – Dim the Lights - Handsome
Anoop chooses a slow ballad-like song that could very well be from a movie. Even when the tempo picks up, I still feel like he’s singing at his great aunt’s 90th birthday, but no one minds because she’s so old she doesn’t know the difference. You can pluck the Idol out of MIT, but…. I’m really bored with this guy, he’s good vocally, but he doesn’t really have that star power. Simon totally has my back. I love you, Simon!

Next week only 5 Idols left to perform, whatever shall they do for filler?

Top 3 – Matt, Kris and Adam
Bottom 2 – Lil and Anoop